Be Free As Love Now
From Bluetruth
Doing anything only leads to more doing and never fulfills your deepest desires.
The need to do defines your life. Something is missing, your life isn’t quite complete, and so you do.
Regardless of what you do, your life will be briefly intense and quickly forgotten, seemingly important and not quite satisfying—a fleeting memory of pleasure and pain, gain and loss, health and disease, love and loneliness. Then you will die, as all those before you have. Genghis Khan, Princess Diana, and Frank Sinatra are dead. Evaporated from this world. Eventually the sun will explode and the earth will vaporize. Everything that has come together comes apart. Guaranteed.
And yet putting things together—your business, your intimate relationship—seems so important. The masculine in you is riveted to the adventure of success and failure. Do, do, do, do, do, and always the question is, “Am I succeeding or failing?” Always waiting for that day in the future when success will be enough and you can finally live the way you want to.
By that time, you will have trained your attention to adhere to doing, as if life goes somewhere. But nothing makes a real difference in old age—or at any age—but depth. You can be a millionaire at twenty or eighty, and still your life will feel empty and meaningless unless you have learned to feel beneath the surface of your doings, into the open being that some call God, Truth, or Love. Doing or not, life is deep. Doing or not, this moment is open, infinitely full, without bounds. You are already free, but the masculine in you thinks you need to earn it, and so you do.
The feminine in you is enmeshed in the drama of love and unlove. Day by day, year by year, the feminine feels, “I’m loved, not loved, loved, not loved, loved, not loved...” as if the entire world revolved around your emotional fulfillment. As if you could wait out the bad times, and then great intimacy will become possible. As if your lover will grow, or you will find the right partner who could really love you like you want.
Meanwhile, the pain of emptiness echoes in your body, so you do to fill it. Eat. Talk. Shop. Yearn. “I will never be loved.” “I am loved.” “Am I loved?” Day by day, your hope for love wears down, until finally you settle for a relationship that is good enough, but not as good as you know love can be. And so you wait, unopen and unfulfilled. “My partner isn’t giving me the love I want, so I’ll hold back my love, too.”
Waiting for love or doing anything to be loved is as fruitless as a fish swimming in the hope of getting wet. Already, love is who you are. Love is that which is living your life, breathing your breath, moving your body and all bodies.
Love is wanting to open your heart right now. You can feel love’s desire to flow through your entire body, this very moment. You have to refuse love to lack it. You have to close your heart, suppress your breath, and tense your body to feel lonely and empty. As long as you are doubting or self-guarded, no doing leads to more love.
Yet, as you look around you, almost everyone is doing something, stressfully. Trying to earn a sense of freedom. Yearning for deeper love.
It seems that life is about doing. It is true that life is action, always changing. But no doing can get you the real freedom and trustable love that you most deeply want, ever. Doing can possibly get you more money. Doing can help you meet people and improve your skills in relationship. But even so, amidst money and relationships, you will still feel unfulfilled unless you stop closing in fear and relax open, as you are, right now.
Like a fish in an infinite ocean of clear liquid, feel into the space around you as if it were water. Inhale and exhale as if you were breathing water’s thickness, drawing in and releasing the buoyant clarity surrounding you. Feel the water pervading your body, softening your feeling-skin open.
From your heart, feel outward through the water of space. Feel sound as a vibration in this water, like loud music might vibrate your gelatinous core. Feel the objects around you through the water of space. Open so your feeling extends through the water on and on. As you feel out into the water around you, does your feeling end?
Is there a boundary to this moment? As you feel beyond your immediate vicinity, does your feeling hit a wall, or does feeling open out beyond visibility, like an ocean’s open clarity? Feel through and beyond your vicinity as water without bounds, endlessly opening.
While opening, remaining utterly sensitive, soft, soaked through by the water. Your heart opens like love-jelly vibrating with every sound, lit up by every color and ray of light. As people come near you, feel the water between you and them as it thickens or swirls, touching your heart differently with each person’s whirl of texture and emotion. From your heart, feel all.
Extending your feeling without bound, open. Full of all experience, open. As the entire moment, open.
Open, you are free, and your work can enlarge freedom for others. Open, you are love, and your relationships can extend love through the world. But if you are waiting for a future day to open as you are, then nothing you do will bring the freedom and love for which you most deeply yearn.
Many people you know have earned plenty of money and had numerous relationships, yet their hearts are neither free of fear nor full of love. Doing is a fact of life. But its rewards are overrated. Open your heart now, and be free, as this entire moment, alive as love.
