Approaching Spiritual Sex

From Bluetruth

She Dissolves Me in Her Love

When we make love, I want both of us gone in love. I want love to magnify beyond the sharing of two friends. I want our sexing to be an utter disappearance in the fullness of love, beyond the satisfaction of two people rubbing bodies and sharing emotions. To invite this joyous gasp of vanishment, she offers me her openness. She opens so wide that I am drawn beyond my shallow effort and desire. Then, she and I are vanished in the bright chasm of love.

She has told me that she wants this as much as I do, that her deepest sexual need is to be swept away in the force of love. To be smithereened by love. And so I stop at nothing.

We breathe together through all our membranes of separation, until the one of our loving breathes wide as God. We move as love until no effort remains to remember us.

We move our hips, pressing our bellies together, looking into each other’s eyes, loosing our hold of edge. We dissolve—smiling, moaning, weeping—in the openhearted bliss of sexual embrace. She has willingly surrendered, I have willingly surrendered, without hold, into love.

Go Beyond Affection

Your motive for sex determines its outcome. Don’t stop at physical pleasure, so that you are spent in the grunt of neural upheaval. Don’t stop at emotional sharing, so that you are known only in each other’s smooch and coo. Go through every shudder and moan to the point of no return. Go so far that your lover is disappeared in love.

Your lover’s surrender into love is your invitation to follow. Why hold back? Give yourself to love itself, without a shred of you remaining. Die completely into loving. When you return, when your sense of self is recollected, you will be refreshed through and through, washed awake by the innocence lying wide on the other side of surrender.

For Him

Penetrate Her in Three Ways

To obliterate your woman in love, simultaneously penetrate her in three ways: physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

Penetrate her physically by entering her body with yours, when she is ready to receive you. Practice many styles of penetrative thrust, deep and shallow, fast and slow, filling her with the warmth and force of your body, remaining sensitive to her responses moment by moment. You have achieved the fullness of physical penetration when you move in loving synchrony with her, woven together in grace and sensual magic. It is as if your bodies have become one.

Penetrate her emotionally by entering her heart with yours. Many men are so overwhelmed by the physical pleasure of sex that they aren’t even aware they have emotions! So, first, practice feeling your own emotions while having sex. Feel the area around your heart. Soften your belly as well as your chest. As the front of your body relaxes, feel as if you are melting into your woman, body to body.

Then, when it feels like your body occupies the same space as hers, practice sensing your woman’s feelings. Actually try to feel her emotions and the flow of energy in her body. It helps to breathe with her, inhaling while she inhales and exhaling while she exhales, while you feel into her. With practice, your heart will coincide with hers, and you will be able to feel her sadness, the depth of her love, her fear, and the ripples of need, thrill, and joy moving through her body. Eventually, her feelings become your feelings. Your hearts feel as one.

Spiritual penetration involves pervading her body with your consciousness. This is very difficult to describe in words but is an unmistakable and tangible experience. Your consciousness is who you are most fundamentally. It is the depth of your being, the openness of your awareness, the spaciousness of your love. More than anything else, your woman wants to feel the depth of your conscious presence entering her. She may even have an orgasm by opening to the force of your loving consciousness alone, with no physical penetration whatsoever.

The Art of Conscious Sex

You cannot sexually transmit consciousness if you are distracted. Rather than thinking about your schedule tomorrow, focus your awareness on your body and your woman’s body, on your breath and your woman’s breath. Practice being present by not being somewhere else.

When you direct awareness in this way you are pointing consciousness. When you pay attention to your breath, for instance, you are not paying attention to the feel of the bedsheets or the fragrance of your lover’s neck. Directing your awareness in this way is a good first step.

The next step is to allow yourself to relax as the field of consciousness that includes everything. Feel into the space in front of you, which includes your woman’s body. Then feel into the space behind you, sensing the air, the walls, and objects that are behind your back. Feel to your left and right, up and down. Feel outward in all directions, until everything is within your relaxed feel of awareness. Do not focus on any particular thing. Allow your awareness to remain open, loose, full, and spacious, like an ocean of clarity pervading the room.

Then feel beyond the room. Feel the whole house and the entire city. Listen to the farthest sound your can hear. Sense the millions of people all around the world. Do not concentrate on anything, but allow your open feeling-consciousness to include everything, effortlessly.

Continue feeling outward, beyond the entire earth, to include the moon, sun, and stars. Actually relax the “point” of your consciousness so much that you feel as the open ocean of consciousness whose water contains the entire universe.

Remain sensitive, clear, and attentive to what is happening all around you, but not rigidly focused on any one thing. Like a good basketball player keeping track of the other players moving around him, yet not losing the ball, you can feel out in all directions, to your left and right, front and back, while also remaining attuned to your lover.

Practice remaining totally present with your lover—exquisitely harmonized with her every emotional shift and energetic flow—while simultaneously feeling outward without limit so your awareness coincides with the entire field of open consciousness. As with any art or skill, your capacity to make love with full consciousness improves with practice.

Breathe Her to Infinity

When you are able to remain present with your woman while also relaxing as your deep being spread wide as the space around you, then you are ready to enter your woman with the force of consciousness.

Just as you felt outward to infinity with your awareness, now breathe to infinity. Combine your breath with your feeling. Breathe your woman, as if your breath were actually pumping her lungs. Breathe the space behind you, as if your breath circulated through the air, walls, and objects behind your back. Inhale and exhale through the entire sphere of awareness, left and right, up and down, forward and back. When your breathing and feeling coincide with the entire field of open consciousness, penetrate your woman with it.

Feel as if the force of being has been gathered coherent with your breath, and breathe through your woman, like a wide thunderbolt of love inhaling and exhaling through her every cell. Resting as open being itself, coincident with the entire field of consciousness, full of its depth and power, obliterate your woman by impregnating and blooming her with your force of love, pervading her body, heart, and soul.

Now, your woman can surrender in openness completely, swept away by the force of blissful fullness, vanished in the ecstasy of boundless love. She can trust you because you are so present, so open, and so sensitive to her. She can allow herself to surrender fully because she can feel your depth of consciousness. She can happily let go and swoon in the massive force of your love.

For Her

Draw Him Down from His Head

The way to a man’s heart is actually through a place quite lower than his stomach. His penis is his bodily root. The flower of his heart opens widest when his root is planted deep in your body.

We are not discussing the mediocre lover. For him, the penis is simply an appendage of pleasure, a sensitive finger with which to enjoy your juicy friction. But as a man continues growing in his sexual capacity, his genitals can help ground his consciousness in his body and yours.

Most men tend toward being heady and disembodied. Your man probably thinks, plans, and mulls things over in his head all day. Then, for a few moments of sex with you at night, his energy goes to his genitals, from whence it spews. You might enjoy this time with your man; for a few minutes at least, he isn’t glued to work or TV. Your sexual ministrations draw him briefly into his body, where he feels a lot more present with you than when he is in his head.

When a man first starts growing sexually, he will probably be rather heady. He exerts effort from his head. He tries to breathe right, remain conscious, and stay present with you, all from his head. What is the antidote to his headiness?

Nothing brings a man into his body faster than a warm, wet, wrap of his root. There are certainly times for motionless loving and gentle touch, but there are also times for a healthy grasp with your vagina, mouth, ass, or hand. Most women touch their man’s genitals too lightly, too hesitantly. Grab him firmly and really pump him. (Many men over thirty years old need direct genital stimulation to achieve and maintain an erection.)

To prevent a premature ending to the sexual occasion, remain sensitive enough to slow down or stop the stimulation before he ejaculates, and then rev it back up as his penis begins to soften. Create an arc of energy between his head and genitals so that his heart is aroused. Remember that it takes great practice for most men to open their heart while having sex.

You will only open his heart as wide as yours. If you are pumping his penis mechanically, he will simply gasp and spew. But if your body is surrendered open and your heart is fully exposed, then your loving will resonate and open his heart.

Your Openness Awakens His Heart

The art of deep sex includes your capacity to relax in your body and receive your lover so deeply that he is drawn beyond himself into your love. Open yourself as love so wide that he falls into you, over and over. He will try to pull himself back, to get control, to practice some technique or another. All the while, you are plying his root, drawing him back into his body, and opening your heart and body as wide as you are willing to trust, evoking his fledgling love with the power of yours.

Naturally, you want your man to love you during sex. But he must first learn to de-condition his masturbatory habits of solitary sexual fantasy. To help him stay present and in relationship with you during sex, remember that most men find a woman’s pleasure more attractive than their own.

Your Gift of Feminine Delight

When men watch a stripper dance on stage or an actress have sex in an erotic movie, they are turned on by her display of pleasure. Her responsiveness and sexual delight are enchanting. Whereas women are most turned on by a man’s depth of presence, men are most turned on by a woman’s radiance and energy: how she moves, moans, smiles, and opens in love.

What men get from a good sex show is the energy of feminine openness. Watching a bored woman dance naked is not a turn-on. Watching a woman touch herself with the enthusiasm of a dead fish is not interesting. But when a man beholds a woman who is truly enjoying her feminine sexual embodiment, he is smitten. His attention becomes absorbed in the radiance of her happiness and pleasure.

Relax, open, and trust the sexual pleasure that moves through your body. Your natural desire to surrender your heart in love draws your man’s consciousness into you, just as the natural form of your feminine body draws his penis into you. Then, if you continue to open and surrender as love, he is drawn entirely beyond his fears, surrendering with you in shared openness, both of you undone in love.

The bliss of this mutual sexual surrender is intense beyond words. It far exceeds your need for emotional reassurance from your man. Your childhood needs for security and adoration are entirely dissolved in deep heart-bliss, a love beyond personal acceptance.

Likewise, his need for physical gratification or mere stress release is yielded into love. Attracted into the openness of your body and heart, he realizes he has nothing to fear. He can let down his effort, unguard his heart, and surrender in love with you for real—without holding back.

Keep his penis hard and your heart open so that he has the opportunity to yield into your soft convulsions of pleasure like a tongue entering the skin of a juicy peach. Who you are when you are full of sex, relaxed as bliss-body, and radiant with love, attracts him more than anything on earth.