She Wants the Killer in You

From Bluetruth

Among many other qualities, a woman wants the "killer" in her man. She is turned off if her man is afraid and wants her to kill the cockroach or the mouse while he stands on a chair and watches. She is turned off if her man wants her to get out of bed in order to check out the strange sounds in the house to find out if a burglar made the noise. Fearlessness, or the capacity to transcend the fear of death for the sake of love, is a quintessential form of the ultimate masculine gift.

Although your woman doesn't want you to be a killer, she is turned on by your capacity to kill. And, she is turned off by your lack of this capacity. For instance, imagine that a big cockroach crawls into the living room. You jump on the couch and scream to your woman, "Kill it, please, kill it!" She would probably not be turned on.

Or, imagine that you are in bed with your woman at night. You hear some strange noises downstairs in the kitchen. You are afraid. So, you ask your woman to go down and check it out. She is not going to become excited by your masculine valiancy.

In both of these cases, your woman will feel your fear. She doesn't want you to be a killer, but she does want to feel that you are capable of facing death, if necessary. In fact, she wants to feel you are capable of killing, if necessary. If an insane maniac broke into your home and was about to murder your children, your woman would not be particularly happy if you had the opportunity to do something about it but instead you said, "Well, ok Mr. Maniac, whatever you want to do is fine with me."

The dark masculine energy of the warrior, the one who could face death and kill when necessary, is an essential part of you. Today's current fashion is to suppress both the dark masculine and the dark feminine, so we have a large population of wimpy men and polite women. But beneath the nice veneer of most women lies the wrathful goddess who would chop the head off of every mediocre "new age" man. And beneath the patient smile of most men lies the warrior of love who would ravish his woman into bliss rather than listen to her chat in pointless emotional circles.

But the dark masculine energy has been suppressed so thoroughly these days that the ordinary man would prefer to paste a smile on his bored face, rather than penetrate his woman's tension with uncompromising love. And he's just as cautious about disrupting his own well-planned life of comfort and security in order to penetrate his own fear of death.

Although she may resist it at first, your woman, if she has a feminine sexual essence, wants to feel your fearlessness. She wants to feel your capacity to face her closure, anger, and tension, without trying to minimize her feminine force. She wants to feel your persistence in loving, so that her fury cannot turn you away. She wants to feel your capacity to stand strong in your own desires and ravish her because you love her, unafraid of her dark energy.

She wants to feel this dark masculine capacity not simply because she wants to be ravished, but because it is a sign of your overall capacity to face and know death, your own and others'. And it is this capacity that makes you trustable as a man, both as a human warrior but also as a spiritual warrior. The knowledge of death makes you humble and courageous. The knowledge of death strips the armor from your heart and allows the knowledge of love. This knowledge of death and love is your doorway through your own fears, through your own clinging to security, and into the unknowable mystery that lies beyond your little cell of self-protected importance.

Your woman's desire for your dark side, in love, is a gift to you. By honoring her desire through the cultivation of your dark and fearless loving, your need for self-protection will decrease, and every moment will stand more naked, vulnerable, and true, released of your need for consolation and false self-assurance. Rather than smiling at your present experience from behind a curtain of safety, minimizing your participation with the always life-threatening potential of the moment, you will lovingly surrender your position and ravish the moment, penetrate to its core, and find yourself identical to it. Feeling through and through and through is your only freedom.

The "killer" your woman wants is the one who knows that life is a process of dying through to that which cannot be lost. Only in this sacrifice of fear can your heart remain unguarded. Facing the potential burglar at night is only a sign to your woman that you are willing to lose everything into love.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida